Tuesday 24 July 2012

RECEIPTS

Yesterday I went into Monmouth and bought some frozen peas and had a mocha.  Why did I end up with a pocket full of receipts? Am I likely to ask for my money back on my mocha a week later? Even worse, I am often asked to fill in  a questionnaire: how do you rate your frozen pea experience on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is unbearably exciting and 10 is disastrously dire?  I gave this much thought and decided that six and a half was appropriate but that was not allowed. I will ask for a ballot box and post the receipts into it bearing the appropriate number of ticks and crosses: true democracy there then!

Tuesday 17 July 2012

MODERN MOTHS

My wardrobe used to be inhabited by old-fashioned Lepidoptera of decent size, restrained eating habits and the acceptance that moth balls were things to die for not dance at. Now I have the present generation of teenagers: tiny, indiscriminately voracious for any fabric and partying giddily at the smell of the little sachets I put in there to see them off.  If they all love wool so much, why aren't sheep covered with the little blighters?

Monday 9 July 2012

Landovery statue


This marvellous creation stands proudly rising near the ruins of the castle overlooking the main car park in Llandovery. It is worth a detour as it glints magnificently in the sun and the plaque is equally unusual. He was a rebel supporting Glydwr (Glendower of recent TV fame) and boasts the tongue-twisting name of Llywelyn ap Gruffydd Fychan of Caeo, hanged, drawn and quaartered on October 9th 1401. I have analysed Skakespeare's play, Henry IV pt i ( which does not, unfortunately, include Llewelyn but does feature Glendower), on my website: Classics of English Literature: essays by Barbara Daniels

Tuesday 3 July 2012

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU ...

... that I should like to have genetically modified.

1)   The way you snore directly in my ear;
2)   and when I call, "Food's ready!" disappear
      just long enough for souffles to collapse;
3)   your tendency to mumble, "Mmm ... perhaps
      or, on the other hand, mmm ... maybe not,"
4)   that funny little wart-like, dark red spot
      on your bald patch; 5) your pigeon-toed left foot;
6)   and, while they're at it, get your chin to jut
      a half inch forward, level with your lips;
7)   expand your chest commensurate with your hips;
8)   I hope they can retune your nasal voice;
9)   my mother always felt, if she'd the choice,
      she'd modify the somewhat piggy size
10 a & b)
      and shape and coloration of your eyes;
      in fact she said (I didn't like her tone)
      there wasn't much that she would leave alone
      but since I love you, darling, as you are,
      (almost) I wouldn't venture quite that far
      so, one last thing, I'll number it (10c)
      you are a bit TOO  critical of me.